I know it’s pretty early in the season. We just got through Hall-O-Ween, and haven’t even celebrated Thanksgiving yet, but since the halls in the mall have been decked since September, I thought it would be O.K. to get a head start on my Christmas wish list. Besides I have a lot of requests this year, and you may need a bit of extra lead time for some of the trickier ones.
1. A pair of jeans that make me look ten pounds thinner even if I polish off all the Christmas leftovers by myself before New Year’s because no one else in my house will eat leftovers and I can’t stand to see them go to waste, but I don’t want to see them go to my waist.
2. A dryer that also folds and puts away the laundry.
3. A water powered car so I don’t need to buy gas when it gets to $4 a gallon.
4. Everything on Oprah’s “My Favorite Things” show.
5. One night with a full eight hours of sleep.
6. A special seasoning that when sprinkled on food makes it irresistible to even the finickiest of children.
7. A tree that money grows on.
8. For my son I would like a Polar Express DVD that has 1,102 alternate endings so that when he watches it over and over next year I won’t loose my mind because it’s the same story day after day.
9. For my husband, a self-cleaning garage.
10. Finally for myself, five minutes of alone time with no one making demands, no children’s programming blaring in the background and no To-Do-List nagging at my conscience.
Well I guess that’s all. Is it too much? I hope not. I realize some of my requests might be a little “out there”, but if you can’t get to all of them by December 25th remember I have a birthday coming in the spring. Do you do birthdays? I guess birthdays don’t have their own fictional mascot. You should totally get the marketing rights on birthdays before the Easter bunny does. Anyway, Merry Christmas and thanks in advance.
P.S. We left cookies out for you last year, but I think the dog ate them before you got there. Sorry about that. We’ll put them out of Fido’s reach this time.