Girl Talk: A Man’s Solution to a Woman’s Problem and a Shameful Confession

First, I have to thank my wonderful husband Dave. In last week’s edition of Girl Talk I wrote about how I’d love to try this:

Fleurs Se Cerisier Cherry Blossom Shower Gel from L’Occitane.

Tuesday, FedEx arrived at my door with a beautiful L’Occitane gift box containing that very thing.

Now, most of the products and items I write about in Girl Talk are usually priced way beyond our monthly budget. They’re things I would buy if I had an unlimited, expendable income, something I’m still working on acquiring. LOL A Girl can dream, can’t she? Anyway, it was a very unexpected surprise and a very sweet thing for him to do, so thank you dear!

O.K., on to this week’s Girl Talk.

This is a sore subject. My thighs. It’s summer. I like to wear dresses in the summer. There’s only one problem, the chaffing.

Surely I am not the only woman to ever experience this. Unless you’re one of those freaks of nature genetically blessed individuals who’s thighs are so thin and lovely that your inner thighs do not touch, you probably know what I’m talking about. Granted I could stand to loose and an inch or two or ten in that area, but I know plenty of girls skinnier than me who’s thighs do not part way when they walk.

Dresses aren’t a problem in the winter because panty hose form a nice barrier. But who wants to wear those in the summer? I don’t spend all that time slathering myself with Jergens Natural Glow only to cover up my fake tan with suntan shaded nylons. So, I went on-line looking for some relief.

One message board comment suggested wearing a long-leg body shaper, or as they called it in your grandmother’s day, a girdle.

Now while they do wonders for your figure, I can go down a whole pants size crammed into one, they really aren’t summer wear. First, have you ever squeezed yourself into one of those polyester and spandex straight jackets? Oh, my goodness. It’s like stuffing sausage. It takes herculean strength to pull one of those things up and get it positioned correctly. God help you if you accidentally twist it while tugging it on.

You’d work up such a sweat just getting into a body shaper in the summer that you’d have to take it right off and shower again. Or shower with it on.

Hmm, maybe it would shrink as it dried and firm up everything even more… No, bad idea.

And since they are heavy duty and made of unnatural fabrics that do not exist in nature, they don’t breath. You’d be as hot and sticky as a Cinnabon from the mall.

I kept searching and found something else from Grandma’s trunk, well, probably great-grandma’s. Look at these beautiful underwear from The Vermont Country Store. They’re called Snuggies.

One hundred percent cotton, comfy elastic waistband. Cool I’m sure. Prevents chaffing? Definitely. But do I really want to wear that under my flirty summer dresses? They say wearing sexy underwear makes you feel pretty and confident even if no one else knows you’re wearing it. Well, how do you think these would make you feel? Like Ma Kettle?

Things only got worse from there. I found a place that sells actual bloomers.

Then there were suggestions of using different kinds of powder to adsorb moisture and limit friction. That’s all I need. A white cloud of dust swirling around the bottom of my skirt as I walk. And you know it would get on everything. Like deodorant on a black shirt. I always end up with streaks, even when I use the clear no-streaking kind.

I searched the lingerie sections of every known department store with in 50 miles of my home to no avail. Everything was either made of fabric that was too hot and uncomfortable, or was just plain ugly. I had a glimmer of hope when I found a pair of bike shorts made of some kind of light-weight space-age moisture wicking material, but, alas, the elastic waistband was too thick to wear undetected beneath a dress.

I did come up with a solution however.

Men’s underwear.

White, micro fiber, boxer briefs to be exact. (I was going to insert a picture here, but I couldn’t find any photos of men’s boxer briefs on-line that didn’t make me blush.) The fabric is light and breathable. A comfy combination of 95 percent cotton, 5 percent spandex. They’re white, with a thin waistband and the legs are just long enough to prevent chafing. And the boxer briefs are way cuter than anything in the women’s department. Very inexpensive as well.

So yes, I, on occasion, wear men’s underwear. There’s my shocking confession for the day. Now when I wear dresses my inner thighs don’t feel like Rome burning, and no one knows my secret. Well, except for you — and you — and you — and — well– let’s just keep this between us girls, O.K.?