I’ve read book after book and article after article that says breast is best, but I am not going to nurse Wade when he’s born in June.
Before David was born I did plan to breastfeed. It thought we’d save some money not buying formula. I was nervous about our budget since we were embarking on a new journey as a single income family. I almost had a heart attack the first time I saw the $25 sticker price on a can of formula.
I also knew all about the immunities that are passed along, and I was told it would help me loose the baby weight.
But David landed in the NICU for the first 48 hours of his life after he retained some fluid in his lungs after the C-section. Before I even knew what was happening the hospital started him on the bottle.
Sometime during the first evening after I was allowed to get out of bed, the lactation consultant showed up. She started giving me advice and poking and prodding me in places only my husband and doctor are allowed to go. Then we went down to the NICU, and I tried nursing David after he’d already had a few bottles. He just would not latch on.
The LC took me back to my room and hooked me up to an enormous Medela pump. Just laying there with out a baby even in the room, hooked up to all that equipment, I felt like a cow at a dairy farm.
And I was still reeling from being felt up by a strange woman.
I pumped and tried nursing David the next day and night too. But he wouldn’t eat from anything but a bottle.
Finally, on the third morning after he was born, David was released from the NICU to my room. With him close by I ramped up my efforts to breast feed him. They told me not to give him the bottle this time. To just wait, and he’d get hungry and eat eventually. Some time around three in morning, after he hadn’t eaten all day, wouldn’t sleep, and was crying because I’m sure he was starving, I gave him a bottle.
He gulped it down.
And went to sleep.
The next morning before I left the hospital the lactation consultant paid me one more visit. She told me I’d have to continue to pump and supplement with a bottle until David finally started nursing.
I thought about the frustration of the last few days over not being able to get David to latch on, and me being hooked up to that machine.
I was already tired. You really can’t get any rest in the hospital. (They wake you up in the middle of the night to see how you’re sleeping, then ask you if you need a sleeping pill because you’re awake.)
The LC told me it could be days, even weeks, before we both got the hang of this breastfeeding thing. I just couldn’t see putting David or myself through more days and nights of the same. I was already stressing out about the whole thing. I knew with my impatient personality I’d loose my mind.
So the first thing I did after leaving the hospital was go shopping for bottles and formula. I didn’t even have any at home since I didn’t think we’d need them.
I never looked back. Bottle feeding gave me one less thing to worry about. I was able to relax and enjoy cuddling David while he ate instead of getting upset because he wasn’t latching on. I didn’t have to hook myself up to that horrible machine that made me feel like Bessie. And because my presence was not required, Dad or Grandma or Grandpa or whoever was around at feeding time could easily take over if I needed a break.
Four years later David is a very healthy, bright child. He’s in the 95 percentile for his height and weight. He’s the size of a lot of six year olds, and strong as an Ox. You ought to see the kid throw a ball. I’m thinking baseball scholarship. He doesn’t suffer from allergies, and he isn’t sick anymore than any other kid.
David knows his colors and his ABC’s. He can count almost to 20. He has a huge vocabulary.
I don’t think the bottle had any adverse affects on him.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t breastfeed. If you want to, and that works for you, then great.
What I am saying is, that despite all the rhetoric, you don’t have to.
Don’t feel guilty about not doing it. If it stresses you out, or doesn’t make you happy, or circumstances don’t allow it, or you just don’t want to, then don’t breastfeed. You’ll be a better mom in every other way if that one thing isn’t weighing you down.
And your child will not be sickly, or end up in remedial English because you didn’t nurse.
I know this is a controversial subject. There are people out there that will say you absolutely must breastfeed. And I’m sure they would tell me I’m selfish.
Well, I don’t agree. My personal experience tells me different.
What do you think? Talk to me.
I breastfed both of my boys. The first one was easy, even though he was in special care for a few days after birth. My youngest, was very difficult, I almost gave up. But, finally, after some trying times, he got the hang of it. I never refused him the bottle, if I thought he was hungry, though.
I am like you, to each his own. I believe just because I do it, I don’t think it’s right for everyone. Each mom has to make her own choice about what she wants to do and what is best for her and the baby. I don’t think either choice makes us bad moms, just different.
Thank you. Finally someone who feels like I do. I had a terrible time with Noah. No one told me that when you are leaking spinal fluid and almost dead, you don’t make milk. I was still trying to breast feed when I went home. It was awful. So..when I got pregnant with Dylan, that was one of my first decisions. I am not going to breast feed, no matter what. Dylan ended up being in the NICU for a week and they never asked if I wanted to breast feed so it worked out just fine. I hear if you say no, they will usually send the LC in to talk you out of your no answer. Be strong.
From a Dad’s perspective? Read this.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com
Twitter: AboutParenting
I no longer judge women that do not breastfeed their baby. My experience with my first child was frighteningly similar to yours. And being a first time Mom there were just so many things I didn’t know. I have seen ZERO negative consequences from giving her a bottle. Now, two years later she is big and healthy not to mention incredibly smart (of course I’m biased). My second child (now 4 months old) has taken to nursing like a fish to water. My experience with her has been entirely different but not necessarily better or worse. As a mom, I feel I am entitled to make decisions regarding my children and other people should keep their noses in their own business. What I’m saying is, it’s totally up to you… as long as your children are fed, clothed and loved you can do what you want and not feel guilty about other’s judgments.
This is such a hot topic in the “mommy-world”…you might get formula-bombed by the Pro-lactation side…stay low!
When I was pregnant with my baby…that’s what everyone seemed to ask, “Are you gonna breastfed?” I thought “Lord….that’s a personal question” The last straw was when my FIL asked! I told my husband if one more person asked, I was gonna flip out on them, no matter who they were!! MIL started asking my hubby….he told her it was none of her business and I was sick of people asking, so she better not ask me! LOL YaY hubby!!
And yeah, I totally understand feeling like a cow!! My son came out not breathing, and all kinds of other fun problems and they tried to get him to feed, he wanted NOTHING to do with it! So I got hooked up to those machines…and the noises! Ack!!
My son finally did nurse, but I stopped after 3 months. I was already giving him a bottle b/c he wasnt getting enough milk. And do you know how many times I heard, “It’s supply and demand?” I wanted to scream!! Hello…MY body…MY body. He’s healthy he’s happy Mom is healthy and Mom is happy!
I didnt want him to look at me as a walking resturant. And you know what? He doesnt…he knows to drink from a bottle, a sippy, or his favorite, Mom’s cup! LOL (He’s 9 months old) Plus at 3 months old…he started teething!
I’m pregnant again, and I’ll try to do the same.
And the whole “You lose weight if you breastfeed”? Not for me….I got hungrier b/c of it…and ate, ate, ate!
I totally enjoyed and agreed with this post! I, too, planned to breastfeed but couldn’t for much the same reason as you! Though I continued to try it after she was released from the hospital, she lost so much weight that I had to start at least supplementing with the bottle. I cried and cried thinking I couldn’t properly feed my baby. But my mom was encouraging and I ended up totally bottle-feeding. I enjoyed the freedom so much, and our feeding times were precious rather than stressful! She is now a very healthy 8-year-old, very smart and strong. I think that each person MUST be comfortable with what works for them. We moms put way too much pressure on ourselves to do what everyone else thinks is right! Thanks for sharing this!
While I think that “breast is best” I also don’t believe that you are a bad mom is you choose formula. Sometimes it’s just too dang stressful to breastfeed. I only made it 4 and 6 months respectively with my boys before I switched to formula and, at that point, it was the best decision for me. I’m glad that we have the option to use formula when we aren’t able (for whatever reason) to breastfeed. And I hate that some moms make such a big deal about it.
What a horrible lactation consultant. Feeling you up? Really, she was inappropriate and out of line. How sad that she made it such a stressful experience. I can understand how you’d be wary.
I’m sure you;ll get all sort of comments on this post. As for me, honestly I can’t imagine NOT nursing. It is the ONLY thing I miss about babyhood. To me, there was nohing more empowering than realizing I could sustain human life on a fluid my body produced. THAT is true power!
I nursed both girls for 14 months. #2 weaned herself at the time, but I weaned #1 when I got pregnant with #2.
I had some latching issues with #1 – neither of us knew what we were doing and I hadn’t gotten to hold her until two hours after she was born because of my emergency C-section. But we did work through it. She used a bottle, too (expressed milk), so I felt like we had the best of both worlds. #2 latched properly within a minute of being born and never looked back.
I am laughing about the Medela pump. It sure *does* make you feel like a cow at first! But that is what those puppies are for, and it worked wonders for me (I had he deluxe double whammy one). I could actually pump both sides faster than I could nurse on one, so I built up quite a freezer stash when I eventually went back to work part time.
Do I believe breast is best? Yep, no question. Would I condemn you or anyone else for not doing it? Nope. But I *would* recommend at least giving it a fair try with this kid. It could be a totally different – and fulfilling – experience and I’d hate for you to miss it.
I am still breastfeeding my little guy (he’s almost 8 months), and I much as I love it, it is a personal choice. He was such an easy learner – latched on right away and I never had any supply issues. That being said, since he started daycare, he’s been just as sick as any other baby. My friend couldn’t breastfeed her baby (who is two months younger than mine) and as far as frequency in being sick (both babies are in a daycare) they are about the same. I feel breast is best, but it is a personal choice no one should be condemned for either way. For what it’s worth, my mother in law actually tried to get me to not breastfeed, so I had flack no matter what my decision was.
Breast is best but formula ain’t bad. As my doctor put it “It’s formula, not poison.” Babies can do wonderfully on either. I did breast feed all three of my sons but had to supplement with my first because I was working and just couldn’t pump enough to at work–even though my office was wonderful about it (three women including my boss offered me their office to do it). But pumping is a VERY different experience than nusring. I noticed a few others suggesting you give it another try and I’d agree. If you have to pump again I wouldn’t…but if you don’t have to pump, nursing can be a wonderful experience. It will hurt AT FIRST (in spite of what you may hear about it only hurting if you do it wrong) but once your breasts adjusts it’s comfortable and incredibly convenient and can actually be easier than formula. Apart from all the “better for your child” hype there’s three purely selfish reasons I do it:
1. NO HANDS. With a good boppy once you get the hang of it you can be blogging while the baby eats.
2. YOU CAN SLEEP WHILE THE BABY NURSES – This is sort of controversial, but at least in the early months being able to lay down while the baby nurses was reason for me to do it alone.
3. NO PREP TIME This is also really nice at 4:00 in the morning.
Anyways, whatever you decide I’m sure you’re little one will be happy and healthy!
Hi! I found your blog through the UBP09, and this post caught my attention. I had my first baby 6 and a half months ago, and I’ve been bf’ing the whole time. The last few weeks or so have been really really hard though, and I’m currently trying to figure out what to do. I have an appointment with a bf’ing clinic next week, because I’d really like to continue, but at the same time I may have to switch to formula.
I do think that breastmilk is the best option when possible, but in some cases, it just doesn’t work out. It’s been proven to have so many health benefits (even more than what you listed)… it’s what God designed as baby’s first food. But I don’t judge you or condemn you or anyone who chooses/needs to use formula. There are tons of kids (including most of my parents’ whole generation) that were raised on formula, and are not “lacking” in any way as adults.
I hope that isn’t coming across wrong. I’m not trying to be negative. Just saying I think breast is best, but that you’re NOT a bad mom for using formula!!!
Anyway, thanks for writing. I am enjoying your blog!
PS – I agree with the others encouraging you to at least give it a try this time around. The past 6 months of bf’ing going well – it has been the most convenient thing ever!!