Did You Hear the One About the OBGYN Who Lost His Keys? You don’t want to Know Where He Found Them.

I just returned from my 32 week appointment with the OBGYN. I thought I might never return.

I like to get to the doctor’s office a few minutes early.  You never know if there’s some extra paperwork they’re going to make you fill out, and of course there’s the whole ordeal of peeing in a little cup. I just think it’s courteous to the doctor and the other patients in line behind me to be prompt.

I took David with me today, so I left even earlier than usual because the word “hurry” simply is not in his vocabulary.

Well, we got there at 11:15. The appointment was at 11:30. At noon we were still in the waiting room. Finally, the nurse called us back. Then she informs me that they lost my chart. What?!

After that she took my blood pressure and she told me that it was slightly elevated.

“YOU THINK?! I’ve been trying to keep a four year old quite and entertained for an hour. He lost interest in your books and toys 3o minutes ago. And now you tell me that you’ve lost all of my personal, private medical records? Let’s try this. How about you get yourselves organized and the doctor is actually on time for once, then you take my blood pressure?!”

Well, that’s what I was thinking anyway. I didn’t actually say it. I’m not that assertive.

Seriously. Dr. R. is almost always 15 or  20 minutes late. But today he was in rare form. At 12:45, a full hour and 15 minutes after my appointment was scheduled, he came into see me with a medical student in tow, and my chart which magically reappeared apparently.

By that time David had touched just about everything in the exam room within his reach.

I should have told the nurse she needed to sterilize everything after we left.

David even figured out quite handily how to operate the stirrups. (Could they maybe come up with another name for those that doesn’t elicit images of horses and spurs?)

Dr. R. didn’t make any excuse like saying he was delayed delivering someone else’s baby, which of course would be perfectly acceptable. He didn’t even apologize for being so late.

By the way the medical student looked like she got her driver’s license yesterday. Is it just me, or does everyone else just keep getting younger?

Then I had to tell Dr. R I had an ultrasound last week. He left the room to go find the paperwork on it. When he returned I also had to tell him that his colleague, who I saw at my last visit and was ON TIME, told me I should schedule the C-section today. Oh, my goodness! Was not all of that in my chart that materialized out of thin air?

This is the same Dr. who forgot to tell me to fast before my 3 hour glucose test.

It’s no wonder he’s always late. He probably spends half the day looking for his keys.

I shudder to think of the places a scatterbrained OBGYN might misplace his keys.

At last we got down to what I really wanted to take care of which was scheduling the C-section. There are arrangements to make regarding David’s care while I’m in the hospital, and my husband has to ask for time off from work. I also want to get it on the calendar now, before Dr. R. decides to take another trip out of the country.

That’s the other thing about him. It seems that he’s out of town every two weeks or so. How does he ever deliver any babies? Babies don’t work around medical conferences in the Bahamas.

Anyhow, the nearest I could come to nailing him down was, “June 4th or 5th.”

Why can’t we just decide on one or the other? I don’t understand. Clearly Dr. R. is not a type A personality.

So on June 4th or 5th, depending on which way the wind blows, I guess, I’m having a baby.

I once had a lot of confidence in Dr. R.

It’s waning just a bit now.

Who wants to start taking bets on how late he’ll be for the C-section?

I hope he doesn’t misplace Wade during the surgery.

Or his keys.