The One Where I Manage to Work in SpongeBob, McDonald’s and Bob Dylan and Still Make Sense

I managed to cleverly avoid going out and about alone with Wade and David for seven whole weeks.

I had the handy little excuse that I wasn’t supposed to lift things after the C-section, and the baby carrier with Wade in it was just too heavy. Saying so with sad eyes as I dramatically clutched my middle was quite effective and convincing.

Really I was just terrified about what I would do if David was screaming in the store because, “No you can not have a SpongeBob balloon,” at the same time Wade was screaming because, “Mommie, I’m starving!”

But after a long, cold, rainy June day at home with David climbing the walls and attempting to pick up Wade while I was in the bathroom, I decided we needed to all get out of the house before someone got hurt or went nuts. Daddie wasn’t going to be home until very late, so I packed the three of us in the car and headed to McDonald’s for dinner.

McDonald’s because they have a Playland and WIFI.

I mean goodness knows I wouldn’t go there for the coffee. Ack! You could strip paint with that stuff. I don’t get why their coffee is rated number one over and over above other chains. It must be pure market share.

The Carmel Latte and their new Frappe are the only coffee drinks that are consumable as far as I’m concerned.

Not that you care how concerned I am about McDonald’s coffee.

Ahem…

So, anyway, back to the story —

Now, much to my dismay, when we arrived there we gaggles of parents and young children in line. I looked for the tour bus on its way back from the circus, but learned that it in fact was not a tour bus. I chose $1.50 Happy Meal Night of all days for our first outing.

And in our pit of an economy in Michigan $1.50 Happy Meals are like Christmas in July.

Or June.

It was actually still June.

So we waited and waited, and I wrangled David who was going to absolutely burst if he was delayed one minute longer from climbing to the top of the slide.

My other discovery that evening was that I do not have enough hands.

My super-cute pink and white polka dot laptop sleeve that does not have a handle is completely useless when lugging around a baby in a car seat, a diaper bag, purse and four year old. I managed to cram it into the diaper bag between the bottles and the wipes.

I also, in a moment of unusual clarity, had the where-with-all to ask for our food To Go even though we were dining in. It’s easier to manage bags than a tray. There is your handy-dandy parenting survival tip for the day.

You are welcome.

So we ate, David played, Wade slept, and I tried to get on line.

Did you know the WIFI at McDonald’s is not free?

I know! Right?

It costs $2.95 for two hours.

Everybody on God’s Green Earth has free WIFI except McDonald’s.

But after all that work I was not about to be defeated by $3, so I anted up my Mastercard.

McDonald’s not-free WIFI is almost as bad as their coffee.

So. Very. Slow.

I was the only parent in the Playland with a laptop by the way, and I fielded more than a few sideways glances.

Come on, it’s called Parenting 2.0 People! Join the new millennium.

I woke Wade up to feed him so he wouldn’t scream in the store we were headed to after McDonald’s.

Then after pleading for several minutes with David to, “Come down here now. We are leaving!” (Like I could go up there and get him.) I managed to extract David from the human rat tunnel that is Playland, and we left.

We went to the store which was uneventful except for the predicted few minutes of screaming, “I want a SpongeBob balloon!” Wade, happily full, did not scream at the same time thank goodness.

Then home we went.

I survived. And we are about to venture out again today since Daddie is working three very long days at at huge music festival, and I know we will loose our collective minds if we don’t get out.

(Can I just mention how jealous I am that Daddie is listening to such famous acts at Bob Dylan and The Black Crowes while I’m listening to the umpteenth rendition of the ABC ‘s?)

O.K.

We’re Going, going, gone.