I mentioned before that my husband mowed a path through the field behind our home so I could walk back there for exercise. Even though we live out in the Kuntry our road is apparently a main artery between Podunk and The Ends of the Earth. We get all kinds of traffic going by really fast, and there are no sidewalks. I don’t want to be somebody’s hood ornament.

By the way there is actually a place named Podunk near where we live.


Anyway, for the longest time I couldn’t figure out what was with all the cars going by so fast. But now I have a theory.

Fact: Michigan has a big problem with the illegal production and trafficking of Methamphetamine.

As someone once told me, people here have to find something to do after they’re laid off from their job at Chrysler.

Fact: Our house is located less than a quarter mile from the county line. In the county on the other side of that line meth is one of the largest contributors to the local economy.

I’m not kidding.

Fact: NASCAR got it’s start in the south during prohibition when bootleggers with cars full of moonshine tried to evade police by driving souped up cars really fast.

That’s true. Look it up.

So the cars barreling east down our road at break-neck speeds must have trunks full of Sudafed and iodine.

(I just Googled “ingredients for making meth”. Do you think the police will come search my house now? My husband was once pulled over by police, and his truck searched because he was driving around late at night with a propane tank in the bed. They thought for sure he had a mobile meth lab back there.)

And the cars barreling west down our road at break-neck speed must have bags of crystal meth stuffed under the seats.

Fact: Suburban housewives make up one of the largest groups that use meth.

It’s cheap, and it makes you skinny. I have been trying to lose weight… Don’t worry. What good would it do me to be skinny, but also toothless and bald? Yeah. I kinda like having teeth.

I do have one question. How is it that people who dropped out of high school know enough chemistry to figure out how to make meth in their basements? I have a college degree, and the only thing I know about chemicals is not to mix bleach and ammonia.

Yes, yes I know this is a serious problem, and I’m making light of a terrible thing that kills people and ruins lives. Look, I in no way advocate the production, sale or use of meth or any other illegal substance.

But man do I wish the Duke Brothers would find another route to peddle their Crank.

Or at least slow down.

(And if you don’t get that Duke Brothers reference, well, I’m really old and you’re not.)

Public Service Announcement: For more information about this truly serious problem and what communities are doing to try and stop it visit Meth Watch.

Oooh, now I feel all like one of those TV stars on The More You Know commercials.

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6 Responses to Cranky

  1. All I know, is when I buy the good over the counter medicines they now want my drivers license cause you can only buy so much at a time. I love Dukes of Hazard and Nascar. You don’t think I’m redneck do you???

  2. Oh, heavens no Nancy! If you’re a redneck what does that make me? I’m the one who lives near a place called Podunk and goes and walks around in a big empty field every night by herself. The truth is there are probably more real rednecks in Michigan than any place else. Nothing wrong with the Dukes of Hazard or NASCAR.

  3. I honestly didn’t get that Duke Brothers reference, and I honestly felt old beforehand anyway! Now that I’m 30, that is.

    This post was informative, and scary.

  4. Aaron was the Dukes of Hazard on TV in Australia? It seems like there would be some cultural references that wouldn’t translate well. Even in English.

  5. I’m only 26, but I got the Dukes ref. haha 🙂 And the only thing I know about chemicals is the bleach and ammonia thing too. Oh oh…and vinegar & baking soda. Can’t forget those.

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