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Being Mom

I don’t want to be here today.
I didn’t want to be here Sunday or Saturday either.

The last few days it’s been an effort to be Mom.

I don’t want to change another diaper. I don’t want to figure out what to feed the boys. I don’t want to wash bottles or play hide and seek.

I don’t really even want to blog.

You know what I want to do?

I want to lay on the couch, and watch hours of reality TV repeats on Bravo. Uninterrupted.

When I worked in an office before I had kids, there were days I didn’t want to be at work. Even if you love your job, it happens.

I could “phone it in” at the office. My job was mostly self-directed. So if I was tired or distracted, I kept busy with some mindless task like scanning (That was way back in 2004 when photos still came printed on paper) and processing new product photos in Photoshop. I pointed and clicked, eyes glazed over, my mind somewhere else. Eventually the clock hit five, and I went home.

If I really, really didn’t want to be a work, I called in sick and played hookie.

Mom can’t call in sick. I’m already at work when I wake up in the morning.

Mom can’t “phone it in”. Children must be dressed, feed, supervised, entertained lest the the house be turned upside down, or worse, someone gets hurt. Their needs don’t stop just because I’m having a bad day.

Being Mom doesn’t end when the clock strikes five. Mom doesn’t even get a lunch break.

Most of the time I enjoy being Mom.

But the last three days I’ve just had enough.

Every time I hear, “Mooooom!” I want to pull my hair out. I long for nap time to come, and dread the sounds of waking children an hour or two later.

Right now it’s overcast, and I’m hoping that it’s raining when the boys wake up, so we don’t have to go outside to play.

I don’t know the cause of my melancholy.

The kids aren’t being uncooperative. I’m not overly tired. My husband is helpful and supportive as always. I’m not stressed.

When I have days like this I pray.

A lot.

Sometimes minute by minute just to get from one moment to the next.

“Lord, help me get through the day. Help me not lose it during Candy Land, because the kid won’t follow the rules. Help me find the will to make dinner. Help me find the pacifier so the baby will stop crying. Please let Spongebob be on so David will sit still and be quiet for 20 minutes.”

Maybe this is His way of drawing me closer. Teaching me to rely on Him.

I don’t know.

I do know I made it through Saturday and Sunday. I’m halfway through today. Tomorrow, I think, will be better.

I’m already feeling a little better.

Blogging is nothing, if not therapeutic.

And the praying helps too.

But I’m still wishing for that rain.

Photo used under Creative Commons License.

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23 Responses to Being Mom

  1. Dude, me too! I just got done stressing out over a birthday party (finally over! Woo!) and I was dying to call off today. I was even trying to think of a sitter where I could drop off my Precious One for awhile just so I could vegetate on the couch for a few hours. I can’t remember the last time I did it. But here I am pushing through the day. At least it’s nap time 🙂
    .-= Shannon´s last blog ..a very merry first birthday =-.

  2. Thanks Mary! I ended up coming down with a sore throat this afternoon, so that explains some of my blahs. And did take your advice and take it easy.

  3. WOW I felt like this last week. I love my boys but I just was so emotional and every little thing drove me crazy. I was so sick of being stuck in the house, boys are always crazy and I just get so tired of cleaning, cooking {things that they don’t eat} and entertaining…we all have those day{s}. Hopefully when the sun finally comes out it will make us all feel a little better!

    Great blog – I am now your newest follower 🙂

  4. Wait! You’re supposed to dress your kids? I don’t always do that, sometimes they wear the same clothes a couple days in a row! Don’t tell anyone, though!

    I am lucky that I can have the oldest watch his little brother, so I can have some peace and quiet sometimes.
    .-= Nancy M.´s last blog ..Building A Shop =-.

  5. Sounds like you need some chocolate. 🙂 I keep a stash on hand for days like that. I’ve had quite a few of them lately too. I am so ready for spring and sunshine and flip flops, I can’t even tell ya. A little sunshine and letting the kids play outside does a lot for my mommy well-being.

    Hope your day is better tomorrow!

  6. Yeah. Lately it’s been the rain that’s been assisting putting me in a similar mood. And Anna (my 4 yo) is getting rather insistent about certain things, and saying things over and over. So, I hear you.

  7. “Lord, somtimes I don’t like what I’m going through- the hard timse I face. Yet, I believe You’re using them to make me into the woman You want me to be. And so, I choose to trust You! Amen”
    I didn’t write the prayer but it hangs on my bathroom mirror for exactly the reason you wrote about! How honest and how true it is. Thanks for putting it out there and letting us know that we are not alone in loving and hating our jobs at the same time some days.

  8. Yes we’ve had cloudy, damp weather for days. It really does affect your mood. The sun is out this morning, and what a difference it makes.

  9. I’ve been in this mood for weeks now. In my case though it’s being exhausted since the child has decided being awake at 2 am and staying awake for many hours is the new norm.

    Hope you are feeling better tomorrow!

    Stopping by from SITS

    Cheers 🙂
    – CoconutPalmDesigns
    .-= CoconutPalmDesigns´s last blog ..The Martini and The Sailboat =-.

  10. oh boy do i understand this. i hope things are going better b/c that is a hard place to be. being mom is a hard, hard job. you’re doing a great job, friend! hang in there.

  11. Every one has days like these! Totally! Get dad to take the kids for the afternoon tomorrow hile you pamper yourself with some reality tv, a bubble bath, and a nap.
    I’m a new follower from Friday Follow, follow be back if you can! Nice to meet you!

    Lindsey

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