The days are getting warmer, sunnier and longer.
That means David wants to be outside all the time. But I can’t be outside all the time with him. So he has to wait for me or his dad to take him out.
We live out in the country. Most of our yard is fenced in, but not completely. David could still get out, and people can still get in.
I’m not comfortable letting David play outside alone yet. At only five, I don’t think he’s old enough. I’m pretty sure he’s smart enough to stay out of the road. But I worry that he might wander off into the woods behind our house.
David is also very friendly, and I’m not sure he wouldn’t talk to a stranger if one approached him. Ever out here I fear that someone could snatch him from the yard. You hear all the time how it only takes an instant.
I grew up in a safe neighborhood, in a small town. Actually I’m not sure there were any unsafe neighborhoods in that town. I remember at eight years old being allowed to walk with my friends to the park behind the apartment we lived in. It was close enough I could hear my mom call me home, but she couldn’t see me. To get there we had to walk through the woods, and cross a street. I walked to and from the bus stop near the park every day too. Sometimes alone.
In this day and age I don’t think I’d let David do that when he’s eight. I don’t even know when I should let him play in his own backyard by himself.
Do you let your kids play outside alone? Why or why not? What is the right age?
Do yourself a favor and let him play outside. Because trust me, when Wade is this age, you won’t even bat an eye at it! It will develop David’s sense of independence and his self-confidence, too.
You can set limits at first – maybe give him a timer or set one for yourself, so you remember to check on him. Or sit by the window at first and just watch what he does. I bet he’ll surprise you.
My girls are 10 and 8 and have been playing outside by themselves since they were small. At first, they were ONLY allowed in a backyard, but now they can even ride scooters down the street or go to the park (down 4 houses and bordered only by houses, no roads) by themselves.
Last summer, we had a rash of attempted abduction incidents in our town. We had multiple discussions with the girls about strangers and what to do if they were ever approached, but we still let them play outside by themselves (albeit in the backyard and no park visits).
The best things we can do for our kids is TEACH THEM how to cope with the world. We should protect them, yes, but not completely shelter them.
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..The Glance =-.
My kids are 9 and under and I am still not comfortable letting my 9 year old walk up the road to a friends’ house. Granted, I don’t like my neighborhood or most of the kids in it…so that doesn’t help. But until a couple of years ago I wouldn’t even let my kids play in the front yard without being out there. And because I can’t see my back yard and people walk through it all the time, my kids aren’t even allowed to play in the backyard. I’m very protective because you can’t really trust anyone these days. It frustrates me that the parents around here let their two and three year olds play outside and in the street with no adult supervision. Sometimes there is an older sibling out, but never one that is older than 8/9.
.-= Jamie Bishop´s last blog ..Homework-This is why I don’t homeschool =-.
Baby DIVA is only 16 months so no she doesnt play outside alone, and probably never will. I just believe that I am the parent and therefore should always be close enough to see her every move until she is an adult and can “move” on her own.
My oldest played outside by himself when he was 2 1/2. We did have a fenced in yard then. My 2 1/2 year old now, I let go outside by himself if I can see him. We live in the country too, but no fences, just woods and the road is a little ways away.
.-= Nancy M.´s last blog ..His First Haircut =-.
here in manila, almost all houses in the suburbs have gates, so the kids do play in the backyard. sometimes, they play in the streets with the other neighborhood kids, but their nannies and moms are watching them play.
frankly, i dont think i’d be comfortable letting jackjack play in the streets. i didnt. maybe i’ll allow him to play with a friend inside their house, provided i get to know his family first. in this age of sexual predators and kidnappers, you can never be too safe.
.-= cheri´s last blog ..hamming it up with the boys =-.
Debbie –
Clearly, you have not yet met David, my nephew. He is a very friendly little guy. Colleen’s concerns are quite valid. I know her neighbors. She has good cause to not let her kids play alone in the yard.
In this day and age, parents have all the reason they need to shelter their kids a bit more than we were. As a former teacher, yes, parents need to teach their children how to cope with the world. But, use your brains. If you feel a caution that you cannot explain. Do not ignore it. Listen to that woman’s intuition.
Please pause and consider the individuals homes, and families, each circumstance before generally advising a parent to let their child play outside. Sit on their front porch. Meet their neighbors . . . yes, that was gunfire that woke the kids up last night, and the cops had the home surrounded.
Though well intended, the predators are alive and well…and the children are at risk.
@Deborah, Yes, it’s true. There was a domestic
violence incident a year or so ago at one of our neighbor’s homes that
involved gun shots in the night. Thankfully no one was hurt. Even out in
the country you’re not safe from all the crazies.
That is such a tough question. My kid isn’t even allowed in another room without me yet, so I don’t know how I’ll react to sending him out into the yard in a few years. That said, when I was a kid, I used to roam the whole street was I was THREE. That seems crazy to me now and bordering on child abuse!
Hi from SITS
@Beth, The world has just changed so much from
when we were kids. I think there was a much greater sense of security back then.
Our youngest child is not allowed to go out alone; he’s almost five. Our oldest child is ten, so she is allowed to supervise if the children go out without an adult. The neighborhood we live in is really, really safe, and my children love to play with the children who live next door. The rules are simple though. Do not talk to strangers. Stay in the back yard. Do not go near the street. Between the three sets of parents monitoring our brood, I feel pretty ok. It is also important for me to note that our town is small, and our neighborhood is small as well. The teenagers who live on our street are our babysitters.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..This Boy Loves To Play… =-.
such a hard topic…..we live in the middle of the country on 40 acres, so i don’t really worry about strangers being around. BUT….it’s snake country, so that’s my biggest fear. my kids are 4(almost 5) and 2 (almost 3) so they’re not close to being able to play outside alone anyhow. i will sometimes open my kitchen windows and doors where i can see and hear them and let them play on the porch sometimes, but that’s about it.
.-= Alison´s last blog ..psuedo-single mom week =-.
Yes, I do. Sort of.
My oldest is 6, almost 7, and he just now “earned” the right. We’d tried it in the fall but he did a little hoodlum act, throwing rocks into the street and climbing on top of my car. Clearly, he wasn’t ready.
He and four other children from the neighborhood have been playing together outside of late in a “clubhouse” they’ve built and, other than the occasional flaps about someone being bossy, it’s gone well. The 6yo recently played at a park at the end of our street with a 9yo friend, and he’ll often play catch behind our house with the girls next door. He’s not been allowed to go outside our fence if no other kids are out, though. M y 4yo is allowed out only if he’s with his brother – and, man, does that ever make him mad when he’s begging but his brother isn’t home from school yet.
The offer is void and prohibited after dusk, though. There are coyotes around here.
.-= 9to5to9´s last blog ..When your sick child really isn’t =-.
@9to5to9, I think that’s the thing. Waiting until
they’re ready. And it may take some trial and error to know when that it is.
That’s such a tough question. The world is not the same place it was when we were kids. It really depends on the area, the kids, how many windows face the yard. And even as they get older, you still feel nervous.
.-= Deana Birks´s last blog ..Learn to like it soggy =-.
Only you know your child and your neighborhood well enough. I probably let my sons play outside in our fenced in backyard at five, but only if I was either in the kitchen or my room, where I had a window with a full view of the yard.
I grew up in a tiny town, and was allowed to wander all over the town at the age of 12. Gone for hours and no cell phones back then. But the whole town knew me, so it was like everyone was watching out for you. It’s not like that now, and while I don’t want to live in fear, there are very real reasons to worry. We get reports all the time of suspicious cars in neighborhoods, either following or stopping kids that are riding bikes or walking around. I would like to think that our backyards are safe, but with a little one, you never know when they might decide to wander a little too far.
Good luck.
.-= Sheri´s last blog ..Walk with me =-.
@Sheri, Yeah, things are a lot different today.
I think our parents felt much safer than we do.
I cannot yet let me little guy outside alone, but he is only two. I am jealous of my friend who has a 3 year old and 1 year old that she can let play outside with responsible neighbor girls who are 12, and she lives in a cul de sac, and they play in their front yard.
.-= Kristy´s last blog ..My Son, The Photographer =-.
Ok don’t come take my children ROFL, but my boys are 3 1/2 and 2 and they play outside alone now. It’s only been the last few weeks, but our situation is different. Our yard is completely fenced in with a 8 ft privacy fence. The gate is locked so no one from the outside can get in. They can open the gate themselves (well the older one can), but our security alarm is attached to the gate and an alarm sounds if they open it. They also know that they will be in huge trouble and they will have to come in if they so much as touch the gate.
Both of my boys would never talk to strangers as they are a bit shy.
In your situation I woud wait for sure. It’s all in what your gut is telling you and yours is saying not a good idea.
@Shari Goss, Yes, I think it really does depend
on each situation and each what each individual kid is like.
i think about this alot. i am very protective and probably won’t be letting the girls do this until they are 20. haha. seriously though the world is so different now. i remember wandering all over the country near our house when i was little. off i would go on my bike and be gone for long periods of time. that makes my heart skip a beat to imagine letting my girls do that today. all it takes is a split second and there are too many weirdos around. it just isn’t worth the risk in my book. i don’t honestly know when i will do this.
.-= Mindy´s last blog ..Comfort Food =-.
I live in a small town and a wonderful small community. My backyard opens into a playground, and this year just over a month I decided to let my 9yr daughter go with my 6yr son alone to the park. Mind you they don’t always go alone, I do join in now and then, plus I keep a watch through my windows to check on them. I felt safe okey with my decision, but I was approached by one of the mothers that I know about that. She almost flipped out at me that I let my kids go alone, I actually felt like someone took a rug from under my feet. But I told her that my daughter looks out for my son if I’m not there and that I do check on them every 10 minutes or even join them if I’m done with my work. That definetly didn’t go well, however, her kids are only 4 and 5. I don’t even know what to think about that now, and I don’t want to become obsesive soccer mom, but her comment made me upset.
I allow my daughter to play in our backyard, but I check on her thru the window. She is 3. We just moved into a neighborhood where there are older kids, 6, and they run around with no supervision. They drive power wheels in the street and run back and forth in between each other’s houses (across the street) They keep asking for my daughter to play, but I am to nervous to let her.
I am a little late on this one. I let my kids outside to play, alone. They are currently 5, 8 and 10.
I let them play out in the yard alone around age 2 for each of my 3. They could play in the fenced in area, and I would check every couple of minutes. At 3, 4, they could play in the front yard with rules – stay in the yard, no talking to strangers. (When our landlord decided to sell the house and put a sign out front I had them play in back after some people asked my kids for a flier. The sign came down after I complained to the landlord.)
Here is why I feel it is safe for my kids to be outside. They know the rules and can follow them. (When friends come over, they don’t know our rules, so I go out.) I also know my neighbors and my neighbors know my kids. We are a village, and my neighbors let me know if my kids are doing something that they shouldn’t.
Currently we live on a private road in the country, but still have some neighbors. I don’t worry about abduction. I more worry that they will go down the hill on the washboard side of the road on their bikes and wipe out. But I can see the hill from the house, and they wear helmets. And as they have all done that particular thing, I doubt they will do it again. The absolute worst thing that happened here was over 10 years ago – a child was run over by her school bus on the main road. I don’t let my kids ride there yet without me.
I want my kids to feel confident about our neighbors and neighborhood, not scared and helpless. If something were to happen to me, I want them to feel like they can ask a neighbor for help. I think that the quote “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” is something that our generation of mothers has forgotten. By going out and meeting our neighbors when we moved in, I have removed fear for myself and my kids.
A kid will never learn to be independent and move on their own if a parent is constantly hovering over them. They need space to solve their own problems. I spent my childhood (and this was in the 90’s, mind you) outside in the woods near my house, usually with my older brother or a few neighborhood kids. My mom literally kicked us out of the house and told us to not come back until she yelled. We’d run around and catch butterflies and lightning bugs, or play freeze tag and build forts in the woods. I feel strongly that this is how kids are meant to be raised – with a portion of independence and trust from adults. We’d come back covered in dirt and bugs, she’d have to pick ticks off of us, and we were really happy kids.
Sure, there were limits – I wasn’t allowed to ride my bike outside of our street alone until I was 13 and I had to wear a helmet – but they were reasonable. My mom never hovered, never pestered. She’d dole out watermelon and strawberry lemonade, then shoo us away again.
The world isn’t that dangerous. We constantly overinflate the dangers of things. Kids can survive a bump and a scratch. It’s good for them and builds character. I fear for the youth today with coddling parents and no freedom. How are we supposed to have healthy adults if this is the way we raise them?
It’s obvious what could happen when letting a small/young child play outside alone, even with 1 or two other kids. Any other parent worry about kidnappings? I babysit a 5 year old boy that lives in an apartment complex, his parents let him go outside for HOURS to play with the other kids of all ages in the complex. Mom says “I check on him every half-hour / hour” …This poor boy has been dared/forced to eat dirt, grass. He has been picked up by his neck by a 10 year old kid and slammed against a door. He fell, got a cut, MANY TIMES, hmmm, fell?? or got beat up?!~ OTHER parents and kids knock on his apartment door sometimes to notify his parents when he’s hurt or missing. By the way, kids have been kidnapped out of fenced-in yards, 4 foot fence, 6 foot fence, doesn’t matter. Someone on your street may watch and observe your family for weeks, months, years, and plan for a looooooooooong time to kidnap your child. I am not the perfect parent, but I WOULD NEVER LET MY KIDS PLAY OUTSIDE ALONE. Sit in the shade, read a book, play outside with them!! I seriously do not understand why / how precious little children just wander/play outside by themselves. Remember that boy that was bullied and older kids shoved a battery in his anus? WELL, don’t put your kids out there just thinking that they are safe. Be safe, be smart. Things happen quick, and if you are not there to witness what is really going on, you will never know the truth which makes it so easy for parents to keep blaming the other kids for their troubled kids behavior, I deal with it way too often because I babysit a troubled kid, he has no discipline, no direction, no manners, it’s sad!! Kids NEED guidance!!! Not to be tossed out in the yard by themselves. 🙁
I have a 6 year old boy who is extremely well versed in stranger danger. He is in kindergarten, almost in 1st grade and I have been talking a lot about letting him go outside by himself. We live in a huge apartment complex with his school right across the street. There are TONS of kids that live in the complex and attend that school. They are mostly very “bad” kids who are rude and neglected. But some of them are good, nice children with home lives like my son’s. The complex is income restricted, so it’s a mix of those of us who have good jobs and are working toward promotion and those that are on welfare and not quite as ambitious. You know the type of complex- although there are plenty of playgrounds and open spaces, the kids mostly play in the parking lot. I have read all of your comments and I believe we will be letting him play at the playground, which is down the hall from our apartment, by himself. We’re starting with practices meaning he gets a head start of ten minutes the first week and we’ll go up from there if he does well with that. He is very smart (they want him in GT next year) but also very street smart. I feel like that is something that can’t necessarily be learned by someone who has had a somewhat sheltered life and just comes naturally to him. As an only child he has not had very much experience with other children outside of school. I feel that this will be the perfect opportunity to give him more independence along with a better understanding of other people and relationships. The kid can only play with me or watch television so much.
I can’t believe what I’m reading here! The paranoia is just breathtaking. “We live in a different world than we grew up in?” Yeah, in the fact that EVERYTHING is publicized the moment it happens and is communicated in 140 characters or less.
I’m a white girl who grew up in the big-bad city of Chicago. I was allowed to play outside without supervision from a very young age. My restrictions were to be inside the yard. As I got older and was able to ride a 2 wheeler, probably around 8 or so, I was allowed to ride up and down the block… BY MYSELF. As more kids moved into the neighborhood, I was allowed to go to the end of the block and play as long as I periodically checked in. Often times I was the only one allowed outside. Other times, I was the only one not allowed to leave the block. I think I was about 10 when my mother finally allowed me and a friend to walk to the neighborhood pool alone in the summer which was over a mile away one way.
My son is 4, almost 5, years old. I allow him to play in the front and back yards in my house. I’m 11 weeks pregnant with #2 and up until the middle of last week the hormone changes have kicked my butt! I didn’t have the strength to even take my son to McDonald’s to play, especially when the heat index this year has been over 110F. Even then I got crap from people how I wasn’t being safe letting him play at McDonald’s (do you know how dirty those playlands are – give me a freakin’ break already), giving him crap food (childhood obesity! childhood obesity! make him a PB&J and set him in front of the TV – it’s safer), or just ordering something to drink so we wouldn’t be considered loitering. My son doesn’t have ADHD, he’s just a typical boy who goes nuts and bounces off the walls watching SpongeBob all day. He needs that outlet of climbing trees, digging for snails, creating a Smurf universe. I need that outlet of not having to entertain him constantly because I’m afraid of some, more than likely imaginary, child predator watching his every move. He comes in covered from head to toe in dirt and mud. He’s completely a snakes and snails and puppy dog tails boy. He climbs the tree out front. He digs in the dirt. He kicks around soccer balls. He comes in and he’s not bouncing off the walls. It’s ridiculous to think the disservice we’re doing to our children by forcing them to stay inside all hours of the day and night, and then medicating them because they’re not “behaving” by sitting still in front of Team Umi Zoomi all day. It’s not healthy for the child or the parent to not get that type of release daily. It’s going to create a generation of spoiled rotten kids that believe that the only way to live is to be in their protective bubble.
My son is almost 3 and I do not allow him outside by himself. We live in a pretty good area but I feel safer knowing where he is and what he’s doing. We go to the local park a lot and he loves doing that. Outside play is very important I just feel safer if that play is supervised.