So, apparently last week there was this big controversy going on in the mom blog world about a post in which a mom stated, “I don’t like my children, at least part of the time.”
I’m a little late to the party on this, because I don’t really keep track of all the Mamma Drama that goes on. Also I don’t like to just jump on the hysterics bandwagon, but this really sets me off.
Oh, it’s not what she said that bothers me. It’s that people are so offended by it.
There seems to be two camps of outrage.
One camp thinks it’s terrible she said she doesn’t like her children. Now let’s get this straight. She said “I don’t like my children, at least part of the time.” PART OF THE TIME. That means the other part of the time she likes her kids.
Listen, if you’re a parent and you’re sitting here saying to yourself, “That’s awful! I like my precious little darlings 110 percent of the time,” well, obviously you have a prescription for Valium. Or some other mood-enhancing, state-of-mind-altering drug is involved.
Let’s get real!
Kids throw tantrums, because they don’t want to eat their brussels sprouts. They lie, manipulate and try to pit one parent against the other. They call you names in a fit of rage, and slam doors in your face. Kids are emotional human beings who have zero impulse control, and yes, sometimes they do things that aren’t very likable.
The author of the post also goes on to explain that while she doesn’t always like her children, she loves them deeply. And that’s the whole key to motherhood.
Like and love are two very different things. Like is something you do on Facebook. Love is something you do when you forgive the teenager who screamed, “I HATE YOU MOM!” because you wouldn’t extend her curfew to 3 a.m. after you just bought her that pair of expensive jeans she wanted. Your kids push and shove and pull and kick you, but you never stop loving them unconditionally.
I think any of us who have children can remember a time we didn’t like our kids, even though we loved them.
Now the other camp of detractors isn’t horrified over what she said. They’re worried what will happen if her kids find out she said it.
What will happen?
I don’t think it would be a huge disaster, because guess what? You’re kids don’t always like you either. Especially between the ages of 13 and 18. There’s a good chance her kids would understand, because they’ve felt exactly the same way about her.
It would certainly open up some meaningful conversation between parent and child. It’s the perfect opportunity to explain to them how you will always love them no matter what they do or say.
It’s also a chance to explain that even though you’re a parent you still have feelings that get hurt. You still get angry. Being a parent doesn’t make you super-human. I’ve told my oldest this on a few occasions when he’s said something mean to me in a fit of anger.
I always love my kids, but, yes, there are moments I don’t like them. I think the women who wrote the controversial post expressed a feeling that many of us experience, but keep to ourselves.
I have told my daughter I love you, I just don’t like the way you act, the behavior, … it really helps her realize that I don’t have to love her behavior but can still love her. (seems to calm her behavior (sometimes))
I defy anybody to be happy right after they’ve been barfed on…
I am in total agreement with you. My kids know that like and love are different things. I’ve had my daughter yell that she ‘didn’t like me anymore” and I said, “That’s fine, I’m not like you a whole lot right now either.” Then we took a break, cooled down and we both apologized and talked about better ways to handle being angry.
I love my husband dearly, I think he is the perfect man for me… and I don’t always like him ALL the time, either.
People need to stop getting all butthurt over other people’s words. Seriously.