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This Michigan Life

I Really Don’t Know How These Kids are Still Alive

Posted on March 14, 2012

Here’s the thing about boys. They’re in a constant unconscious state of trying to kill themselves. Or someone in close proximity to them.

Maybe this is true for little girls too. I don’t have a daughter, so I don’t know.

I do know it’s a miracle either David and Wade are still alive, and with all their limbs attached.

There was the time David put nine month old Wade in a laundry basket then tried to hoist Wade to the top of his loft bed with a rope. And the time three year old David broke free of my grasp almost running straight into an oncoming SUV. Also the time I caught Wade in the bathtub pretending my razor was a baby, and wrapping it up in a wash cloth.

How about when David tied the wagon to the back of his bike, put Wade in it and almost rode down the steep hill in our driveway? Or When David crashed his little electric car into the fence with Wade as a passenger, and gashed Wade’s head. Just today Wade asked to swing on the big kid swing instead of in his baby swing. He held on really well, then all of a sudden decided to leap out of it for no reason. Yesterday I found not one, but five quarters in Wade’s mouth!

David is the bigger one, yet he’s not entirely safe from Wade. Wade will out of the blue body slam an unsuspecting David. Even at only 30 pounds, it hurts when Wade throws himself on you full force. I know.

I could go on and on about ways my children almost killed or maimed themselves or each other.

The things is when all that stuff happens I’m right there. It’s not like I’m not paying attention. They probably would be dead if I didn’t watch them and sweep in like Batman to save them.

They’re just so fast! A 30 second lapse, and David is not on the swing, but sitting on top of the swing set.

David also imagines dangerous things to do. He’ll ask me questions like, “How long of  a rope do I need to climb down from the roof?” That prompted me to ask, “How high of a ladder do you need to get up there?” Tonight he asked how fast a car he needed to out-run a tornado?  He also asked me once what was the highest step he could jump from without getting hurt? The only steps we have are basement steps with concrete at the bottom.

I’m not sure at what age conscious self-preservation kicks in. For boys I don’t think it happens until maybe the age of 21 or so? David is seven and Wade is almost three.

There are many years playing super hero left for me. Hmm…I need to come up with a secret identity. Suggestions?

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8 thoughts on “I Really Don’t Know How These Kids are Still Alive”

  1. Deborah says:
    March 15, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Here’s hoping David & Wade don’t ask their Dad for any ideas. At least they come by it honestly. I still remember my little brother (their Dad) on top of the garage with a rope…he was 3 or 4.

    Reply
  2. Jackie says:
    March 15, 2012 at 8:08 am

    These are all reasons that I am happy that I only have one boy…. two I think get into more trouble! My sister has two and I hear all of her horror stories! And just for the record girls aren’t like that…. I have 3 of them and I’ve never worried that they’re going to kill themselves with some crazy stunt! LOL!

    Reply
  3. Dr. G says:
    March 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I completely feel you. And no matter how much you’d hover ? It would never be enough! I am raising 4 boys and a dear friend (who has two adult sons and a grandson) has told me that she believes all boys are born with 1000 IQ points, and knock them off a few at a time until they get “normal.”

    Reply
  4. Corrin says:
    March 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I think growing up my sister and I could have given your two boys a run for their money. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Cricket of Tripping Tuesdays says:
    March 15, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    I actually have a girl who’s like this…with her younger brother who is less like this. Just the other day I caught her putting a rope around his neck and dragging him down the hallway…because he was her “cat.” I have no idea where she got this idea, since we have neither a cat on a leash, nor a dog in the house.

    Reply
  6. hchybinski says:
    March 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    oh those boys – I have 2 of my own and they certainly are ACTIVE and ENTHUSIASTIC!! LOL

    Hillary

    Reply
  7. Becca says:
    March 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    OMG how crazy! I can’t imagine having to protect two little boys from the world! It takes everything I have to keep my wild dog alive LOL

    Reply
  8. Nancy M. says:
    March 21, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    My boys are like that too! Well, now that the oldest is a teenager it’s not quite as bad. But his 4 year old brother more than makes up for it! I don’t know how they haven’t had broken bones or serious injury, either.

    Reply

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