1. Ideator – As in, “We’re looking to hire an ideator to develop cutting edge social media strategies to make us bigger than Google.”
2. Social Media Guru – Do I need to explain the absurdity of this?
3. Internet Famous – See above.
4. Reach out to you – As in, “I wanted to reach out to you to see if you would jump at the chance to promote our product for free without any benefit to you whatsoever.”
5. Best Practices – Usually Best Practices are developed by Ideators and Social Media Gurus who want to be Internet Famous.
6. Influencer – Who decides who’s influential in what? Klout thinks I’m influential in Bowling, math and puppies. Go bowling, do some math and then buy a puppy. Go! Now! You want to do it, don’t you? See how influential I am?
7. Stock Options – Just ask all those Facebook employees about theirs.
8. Geek – Because geeks aren’t geeks anymore. They’re cool now. Thank you Steve Jobs and the entire cast of The Big Bang Theory.
9. Published Author – Because anyone can self-publish a book to Kindle these days.
10. Authentic – As in, “I want to reach out to you in the most authentic, transparent way I can to tell you how Internet Famous I am because of my E-book. You should pay me loads of money to Ideate for you and develop your Social Media Best Practices, because I’m a Social Media Guru, self-professed internet Geek and my Friend Feed stock options will make me rich someday.”