On the attack on the US Consulate in Libya:
I didn’t know anything about Benghazi for days, because our TV only gets the Disney channel.
On making sure new college graduates have jobs:
I have a job waiting for one of them. After they graduate from college he or she can be our nanny, and live in our basement instead of their parents’.
On balancing the budget and getting the economy back on track:
I balance my checking account every month. I can’t take out more than I put in. If I want new shoes, and I use the grocery budget to pay for them, no one is eating that week. What’s so hard to understand?
On reducing energy costs:
If we figure out how to harness all the hot air in Washington D.C., we’ll have an enormous, unlimited source of renewable energy.
On equal pay for women:
No way! We should get paid twice as much.
On women having access to contraception:
Of course health insurance should cover the costs of prescription contraceptives for women. I mean, doctors hand out Viagra to men like it’s candy. It’s only fair.
On how I’m different from President George W. Bush:
I would never wear a big gold belt buckle and cowboys boots to a state dinner.
On the issue of Gun Control:
I am always against toddlers having access to weapons — automatic rifles, baseball bats and Sharpie markers not excluded.
On the issue of immigration:
I don’t know about illegal, but I’ve removed aliens from under my kid’s bed in the middle of the night a few times.
On unique skills that qualify me for the job:
As a mom I have experience negotiating with, managing and directing young children on a daily basis. It can’t be that much different than working with Congress.