“Gulp!” Wade dramatically clasped his face in his hands, and in a small voice trembling with fear said, “I swallowed a penny.”
“What? Well, are you OK? Did it go down?”
I wasn’t worried. Over the last eight years his older brother David ingested the contents of a young boy’s jeans pocket: A penny, a quarter and a marble. David wasn’t any worse off for it, and all the objects — er — passed without complication.
You might think four of these types of incidents in our household speak to our poor parenting skills, and you might be right.
A few minutes after slamming down the penny, Wade started complaining that his chest hurt. I thought probably the penny was taking its own sweet time sliding down his throat, so I gave him some milk. What else do you wash a penny down with?
My husband suggested we take him to the ER. I said let’s wait. I did not want to be THAT crazy mom who overreacts and takes her kid to the hospital for every little thing, only to be told, “There’s nothing we can do. He’s fine.”
A Google search reassured me swallowing a penny is an everyday occurrence everyone survives just fine. Which is odd, because normally if you Google some sort of health related issue the answer you get is that death is imminent.
Wade continued to complain it hurt despite all the milk we poured down him. He started to cry, pointed at his chest and pitifully whimpered “I’m dying. I swallowed a penny. I’m going to die!” At which point, despite our concern, all of us burst out laughing.
If I didn’t know better, I would have believed Wade Googled his own condition.
Finally, convinced that there was something seriously wrong, we packed off to the ER. After about two and a half hours of waiting, X-rays reveled that indeed a penny was stuck in Wade’s esophagus. The ER doc didn’t think it would pass into Wade’s stomach on its own. So they transferred us to a larger hospital with a pediatrics floor. They needed to sedate Wade to remove the penny with a scope.
By the time we arrived at the other hospital we were all starving, because it was hours past dinner time. My husband took my older son to eat dinner, while I stayed with Wade.
I explained the story all over again to two different resident doctors and the nurse. The doctors didn’t say much, but when they left the nurse explained how the procedure would go. Apparently this wasn’t her first penny-in-the-esophagus rodeo.
We were back to waiting again when the Child Life Specialist, which is really just a fancy name for a social worker whose job it is to calm down the parents, came in. Based on her sort of shell-shocked behavior, overly empathetic approach and obvious pandering, I concluded that most parents who bring their children to the hospital are either:
1. Hysterical
2. Stupid
3. Angry
Or quite possibly all the above.
Someone listening in on us would have thought Wade was minutes from a white-light experienced that way she spoke to me.
“Is it all right if I ask why you’re here? I mean, if you don’t mind telling me.”
“Oh, he swallowed a penny. Ha! Yeah, it’s stuck in his esophagus. This is just a normal day at our house. Ha!” (On second thought that last bit maybe wasn’t an appropriate thing to tell a social worker.)
Even though I was laughing, she was extremely serious. “I’m so, so sorry. This must be very difficult for you.”
I wanted to say, “No, not really,” but I decided to play along, and just nodded. I considered mustering up some tears to really give her something to work with, but I was too hungry for such an effort.
“Now they’re going to give him an IV. That will be hard for you to watch, but you’ll have to help.”
“Oh, his brother’s had IVs. I know what it’s like. He cried and we held him down, but it was fine. We’re used to that.” Probably another wrong thing to say to a social worker.
Thankfully, Dave returned with a tray of food before I said anything else incriminating and she called CPS.
I took my food down the hall to eat. Wade couldn’t have anything, so I thought it would be rude to eat in front of him. By the time I returned they were bringing in the portable X-ray machine.
Dave explained, “While you were eating I realized Wade hadn’t complained about any pain since we got here. He says he feels fine now. So, the doctor ordered a new X-ray to see if it’s still stuck before they put him out.”
Eight hours after the ordeal began, the new X-ray reveled that at some point in the evening the penny dislodged on its own, and landed in Wade’s stomach.
They sent us home.
He was fine.
I’ve spent the last five days checking for that penny. You haven’t lived until you’ve had to poke through you offspring’s bodily waste looking for money.
The penny has yet to reappear.
If I don’t strike copper by Thursday the doctor says we’ll have to revisit the hospital for X-rays.
I’m praying we cash out before then.
Sadly… I must say that I would have probably been the same way! Although I am sure I actually would have stuck my foot in my mouth and probably gotten myself in trouble. The doctors aren’t too happy when you tell them right away that your kid likes to beat himself up. Hope you find the penny soon! 🙂
Yes, it seems humor and sarcasm don’t play well at the hospital. The Bloppy Bloggers are awesome by the way. It was great to be “flocked!”
Praying for the passing of the penny!
Keep praying. It’s still in there!
Two teenage boys and thankfully no pennies swallowed. Only one broken bone. Working on a 30 month old daughter now who somehow seems much wilder than the boys ever were. Old age on my part? Maybe. But if I had to place bets I would say she will beat her brothers in both the money ingested and broken bones department. Thankfully there are no social workers here in Thailand to pander to us 🙂
I think it has something to do with the youngest child. My youngest has caused more grief in three years than his older brother in almost eight!
Wow, seriously sounds like a normal day in my house, too. That said my money is on the fact that the social worker doesn’t have kids, because I sure as hell would have been reacting more like you than her. Seriously after having two kids here myself, I am used to stuff like this. Just yesterday, I picked up my older daughter to be told she was found with play dough in her mouth (yup that’s my girl!). But seriously, I hope he cashes out soon!!
Oh, yes. She was quite young, and I don’t think she did have children.
What an ordeal! I think you dealt with it perfectly. The social worker must deal with some wingnuts to have to approach the situation like that. Praying for copper!
I can only imagine some the crazy people who must come into that hospital. She really was shell-shocked.
Oh my gosh..this sounds traumatizing and hilarious all in one. You sound like quite a calm parent under pressure! 🙂
Knowing he wasn’t really in any danger it was quite hilarious!
Oh my gosh! I don’t know how I would react. I’d probably go between thinking it’s no big deal to feeling like a horrible mother because I left a penny out for them to consume. Our entire house is like a gum ball machine covered in items a less than three year old shouldn’t have around. But our youngest is three, so I figured on her birthday all those items were officially okay, so we let all that stuff fly out the locked cabinets. It’s literally a free-for-all. You’ve been flocked by the http://www.facebook.com/groups/BloppyBloggers/.
We have some many little pieces of everything around here. Having a three year old and a seven year old, it’s so hard to keep the little one out of the big kid’s stuff.
I could think of so many corny jokes right now but I will just say….. this too shall pass! 😉
Ha! Yes, there are so many jokes to be made about this one!
Ha — love how you dealt with that experience, especially because I myself have swallowed a penny, AS AN ADULT!! Yes, I was a freshman in college and my crazy-ass boyfriend at the time was trying to push a penny up my nose and I was laughing so hard, it fell in my mouth (or did he put it there?) and I swallowed it. It was right before Thanksgiving and I was flying home to NY the next day to visit my family for the holiday and I was afraid of setting off the airport detectors! My boyfriend called health services to ask if I’d be okay and they were all laughing in the background!!
Oh, my! That is hilarious!
I’m glad he didn’t need any kind of surgery! Sometimes I think that some people make a situation worse. They are so concerned and so serious that they can take a perfectly calm person and make them fearful, just by their behavior.
I was in the hospital once when I was pregnant, perfectly calm and at peace. I wasn’t worried, just taking things as they come. Suddenly three people burst into my room and *they* were freaking out which cause me to start to feel anxious and concern for the baby’s health. Before that, I really wasn’t worried, just figured they would fix me up and it would be fine. Until these three interns came in.
Because they were worried I started to worry. However an experience doctor came in and he did “fix me up” and everything WAS fine, lol!
Age and experience are definitely a plus when it comes to doctors!
Oh my goodness! I bet you’ve never hoped so much for one stinkin’ penny! It sounds like you dealt with the situation perfectly. Great post!
I’ve never wanted a penny so bad!
I’m glad the penny unstuck itself. I’m NOT glad that you have to poke around for it still. I’ve had to do that, and I almost always did the gag/almost faint dance whenever I’d get a whiff. Something about “breaking the mass” that makes it way more disgusting than it just floating in the water, whole.
Uh, I think this comment is a bit TMI…
Oh, it is terrible! I’ve definitely been gagging my way through it!
Oh my word! I just stumbled upon this post today poking around here…and it’s just what I needed! have to say it made me laugh just a bit! My husband is the kind of trying sarcastic humor in the hospital. Like after we had baby number 5 and the nurse was asking if we knew how to put the baby in the car seat he says “Yes we put her head there right?” As he is pointing to the bottom of it! I really hope you cashed out without having to make another trip!
I have a friend whose daughter came running in yelling that the baby had swallowed a penny. The doctor said to just check and make sure it came out. When the baby pooped out a dime they were tempted to start feeding her one dollar bills. 🙂