I’m pretty sure somewhere back in the mid 20th century a secret council of kids got together and invented back-to-school shopping as retaliation for being made to eat peas and go to bed at 8 o’clock.
No adult should ever be put in a position of explaining in public to a pouty eight-year-old why their life won’t be over if they don’t get the $120 pair of sneakers. All the while being interrupted every two minutes by over-eager, commissioned sales people asking if you’re, “finding everything OK?”
It’s hard to go back and forth between the stern because-I-said-so! mom voice and the polite yes-we’re-fine-thank-you voice. I don’t know how the sales people couldn’t tell we were having an issue. I kind of thought the foot stomping, arm waving and over-dramatic huffing was a dead giveaway. And that was just me.
“No! No, I’m not finding everything I need! Can you go back in your stock room and get some common sense with a side of gratitude for my kid?”
When I paid for the finally agreed upon, reasonably priced, yet cool enough shoes the clerk said to me, “Thank you. Try to have a nice day.”
Then there was the argument about trying on clothes.
“What do you mean, ‘Why do I have to try on jeans?’ Do you want to go to school looking like Noah?”
“Huh?”
“David, if your pants are too short you look like you’re waiting for a flood. Capris aren’t a good look for boys.”
“Huh?”
“Just Try. Them. On!”
“Well, how am I supposed to know if they fit?”
“Are they too long? Are they too short? Are they too tight?”
“How am I supposed to know?”
I think I have a permanent face-palm mark on my forehead now.
“You have enough short-sleeve shirts. You need stuff for cold weather now.”
“But it’s summer. It’s hot outside.”
“We live in Michigan. It won’t be hot outside a month from now.”
“So?”
“So won’t you need warm clothes then?”
“I don’t know.”
Where is the store that you can get a cup of REASON to go?
Meanwhile bored little brother Wade was talking to mannequins, army-crawling under the walls from one changing room to the next, and pirouetting through The Children’s Place in a tutu. I tried to stuff him in a stroller that he outgrew six months ago, but now that he knows how to unbuckle himself and deactivate the break it’s useless.
As I’m checking out, Wade starts running circles around the cash wrap, and the store clerk decides she wants to chit-chat.
“He’s so cute!”
“Uh-huh.”
“His hair color is so unusual.”
“Mmm.”
“Where does he get that from?”
“Um– uh– Wade! Come back here! David! Go get Wade! — He — uh — my mom’s side of the family has red hair. Wade!”
I’m sure the clerk was just trying to be kind, but couldn’t she see all I wanted to do was leave there as soon as possible? It’s not easy to corral two kids, swipe your card, fumble around for your store loyalty card and carry on a conversation with a complete stranger about the origins of your kid’s hair color all at the same time.
“I’m hungry. I want Twizzlers.” Why in the world are they selling candy at the check out in Sears now?!
Then after two-hours of shopping for him, David says, “Mom. Let’s go.”
“Just a minute. I want to look at something.”
“Are you buying those jeans?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t try them on.”
“I don’t need to try them on.”
“But you made me try on my jeans.”
“So?”
“Well, maybe you need a bigger size than last time.”
Next year we’re shopping online.
See!!! That was the advantage to me sewing and making your clothes until you were pretty much old enough to just let you pick out your own clothes. Of course being a girl you didn’t mind trying on clothes.
OMG. You are hilarious! I give up before starting, buy what I think he needs, and exchange if the sizes are off. You, on the other hand, are a saint!
OH, I have tears streaming down my face as I am trying like mad not to laugh because my 1 yr old is sleeping nearby!
I love that you can find the humor in a very stressful situation. Thank you for the good laugh
God Bless You!
This is exactly why I shop online. It’s like pulling teeth to get my boys to try on anything and my daughter wants to try on everything in the store. I told my oldest son, go get me a pair of pants that fit you. Then I ordered three more of the same brand online in different colors. Did the same thing with his shirts. My mother in law took him shopping (he goes to private school so he has to wear nicer clothing and a jacket) and he tries on stuff for her. Seriously? Why can’t he do the same with me. Whatever, he’s done. I’m not buying anything else till he grows again.
I dread back-to-school shopping when my girls are older! Right now it’s nice because I can just buy everything for them and usually do a lot of my shopping online!
OMG,Its so great to know someone else goes through it too! I swear I lived that very same experience with my 8 and 3 year olds this past august only I was in kohls. I always get the “annoyed you must be a sucky mother” look from people. I try to tell myself that I know that I can’t be the only one with this problem, but I swear, when I look around all I see are angelic, perfect little kids giving me the same annoyed look as the adults! What the heck?! Anyway, you have yourself a follower, can’t wait to read more.
Did you wade talk with my Bella and take notes? I never shop alone. I always have backup. I bring my husband for back-up. We are doing most of our shopping online this year as well as at kohls or target. We bought supplies with out Bella and wow what a difference it was shopping with out her. It was also less expensive. Nice to see another Michigan blogger so close by. I’m in OTSEGO