With two little boys in the house, odd things occur in the bathroom.
For instance, I can’t understand how toothpaste gets smeared 7 feet up the wall when neither one of them is even five feet tall.
And why when the target is so large and at such close range do they still miss? Based on how yellow the paper towels are after I clean around the toilet, neither one of them will ever be a skilled marksman.
How does a Matchbox car end up in the toilet? Why is there a Wii remote in the bathtub? Is that a SNAKE!!!!!!! floating in the sink? (I realized it was fake. After I screamed like Macaulay Culkin.)
How do you drop an entire roll of toilet paper in the bowl?
One day there were handcuffs hooked to the towel bar. Was someone being held against their will in my bathroom? The boys have splashed so much water out of the bathtub that it leaked into the basement. Wade actually fell into the toilet once.
Then there was the time Wade tried to flush a bathtub toy, and he so thoroughly clogged the toilet we had to completely replace it.
We’ve had three broken toilet seats as well. Not broken hinges, which at least seems reasonable, but cracked seats. The boys do remember to put the seat down, but instead of closing it gently they slam it as hard as they can. We now have a commercial plastic toilet seat. Ugly, uncomfortable, but unbreakable. Thus far.
There have even been a few times when — ahem — solids landed on the floor. I don’t know how. I don’t want to know.
But today…
What happened today…
It so surpasses those other events that they seem wholly unremarkable.
This afternoon my husband Dave came out of the bathroom holding up my toothbrush, “Um, what’s this brown stuff on your toothbrush?”
“I don’t know.”
Then we both looked at Wade. You know when you ask a question, and you already know the answer, but you really hope you’re wrong?
“Wade, what’s on Mommy’s toothbrush?”
“I used it to wipe my butt!”
Disgusting!! But even with only one boy in my household, I can relate to most of what you wrote. And he’s 10 and still can miss the toilet. HEllo?!?!
Oh boy, I don’t even want to know. That toothbrush story…that just takes the cake. Solids on the floor…how does this happen. I can relate though to most of it…I have two boys and I just don’t understand what they do in there. I don’t understand why they can’t wipe it up when they miss.
Oh. My. Gosh! I’m sorry about your toothbrush, but this post was freaking hilarious! I guess if I ever have boys, I will need an all tile bathroom, that I can just power wash!
Oh…and the good news is, you learned about the damage to your toothbrush before you used it, right?!
Once again you made me laugh out loud. I can TOTALLY relate.
Oh. My. Goodness. I can honestly say that even with 4 boys in the house, not one of them has EVER used my toothbrush to wipe his butt. I have had to stop ‘sword fights’ if you know what I mean.
I do think one of them raised the toilet cover but not the seat and tried to shoot through the hole in the seat at my house. I don’t remember stuff like this growing up in Ohio. Must be the air and water in Michigan. Where did you get these two??
Most blog posts make me breath out my nose really hard for a minute for a laugh but this post had me actually laughing and loudly. Too funny. My son flushed the only car keys we had to our car and we didn’t know it and assumed I had dropped the keys in the yard or something. Eventually when our toilet kept clogging we put two and two together. My husband took apart the toilet and there they were. I am not looking forward to any of the other things you have described. YIKES!
Oh, my! Your keys! I’m glad you found them at least!