1. You let your kids climb to the top of the jungle gym and kick up dust pushing the merry-go-ground as fast as they can without constantly shouting, “Be careful! That’s too high! Don’t get dirty!” like all the other moms who are glaring at you, because now their kids want to do it too. Before leaving you let them climb the tree by the picnic table just to watch the other parents squirm. (True story.)
2. You let your kid ride his bike down the road to his friend’s house. Your friends think it’s, “So brave of you,” to let him even though it’s close enough you can stand at the end of the driveway and watch him until he gets there.
3. You let your kids buy soda in the checkout line at the grocery as a special treat. The kids in line in front of you notice and ask their mom for some too. She answers them loud enough for you to hear, “No. You know OUR family doesn’t drink unhealthy things like that.” (Also a true story.)
4. You don’t spend every free moment you have volunteering at school. When you were a kid parents only came to school for two reasons. Either it was your birthday and your mom was dropping off cupcakes or you were in trouble. Kids need time away from their parents to develop their independence, because they aren’t living with you when they’re 30.
5. You let your kids watch too much TV and play too many video games. Your youngest knows Spanish from watching Dora, and your oldest is an expert in spatial reasoning from playing Minecraft. Who says they don’t learn anything from electronics?
6. Your kids don’t have an extra curricular activity every night of the week and four on Saturday, because you don’t want to spend all your evenings driving them around and waiting while they toot away on the oboe.
7. You’ve never cornered the PTA president with your suggestions about how next year’s bake sale should be organic and gluten free.
8. You rolled your eyes when everyone on your kid’s pee wee football team received a trophy at the end of the season even though they were the worst team in the league.
9. You’ve never felt guilty about telling your kid to, “Hurry up!” You know they’d never make it to school on time if you let them day-dream all morning.
10. You don’t believe in attachment parenting. In fact you believe the whole point of parenting is to detach them by the age of 18.
11. You’ve never packed your kids a bento box lunch because tube yogurt and a pudding cups won’t fit in those little compartments.