We made our annual pilgrimage to the local 4H Fair this weekend. After spending the equivalent of a small country’s entire economy on cotton candy sugar rushes and spins on questionably safe rides, we toured the livestock barns. We were taking in the sounds and smells when a woman behind us yelled in an alarmed voice at her kid, “Don’t pet that! It’s a wild animal!”
It was a sheep.
David rolled his eyes and said, “It’s not wild. It’s in a barn.”
My kid knows the difference, but I’m worried a lot of folks out there may have an unreasonable fear of domesticated farm animals. So in the interest of public education, I thought I’d go over a list of things more frightening and wild than sheep.
A List of Things More Frightening and Wild than Sheep
1. A classroom full of five and six-year-olds. I attended Wade’s Kindergarten orientation last week. Ten minutes alone in that room, and I’d be in a corner in the fetal position sobbing.
2. Barn cats. By far the most vicious animal on a farm.
3. Richard Simmons
4. Miley Cyrus
5. Notre Dame fans after they shut out Michigan 31-0.
6. Michigan fans after they were shut out by Notre Dame 31-0.
7. Spiders, because they’re the creepiest creature ever.
8. An Apple fan when someone tries to cut in front of them while they’re waiting in line at the Genius store for the latest iPhone release.
10. Winter in Michigan.
11. Driving in winter in Michigan.
12. Me when the boys make a mess right after I cleaned the house.
13. A concert hall packed with adolescent One Direction fans.
14. The Bacon Taco from Taco Bell.
Now you can go to bed a night and count sheep without having nightmares.